For about the last year Chris and I have discussed adding to the Bailey family. So for almost a year we have tried for another baby. Being that I was fertile myrtle with the boys I figured it would happen quickly. It didn't, I was ok with that though. I knew it would happen when it was supposed to.
Here's where it gets detailed. September 22 I started my period, and it was normal like mine usually are. They usually last about 5 days then stop. After 12 days it finally stopped. It worried me but it stopped so I didn't worry much more. 5 day later it came back much heavier and didn't lighten up. On day 21 I finally scheduled an appointment with my new Doctor. On day 25 I went to see Dr.Nwadike. The first thing I was told was that I was pregnant. Now, I couldn't help but get excited. For a short second I had forgotten that I had been bleeding for almost 4 weeks. I was concerned but she told me I would need an ultrasound to determine why I was bleeding so heavily. They did an exam that gave me some more hope, my bleeding, though constant wasn't heavy. Blood work was done and I was sent to the hospital to have an ultrasound. I guess becuase of the possible severity of our situation I wasn't allowed to see the screen. After waiting almost two hours I'm sent home. I was told to call back on Monday for my results. I lost it and just cried. Not knowing anything and having to wait four days. During this whole time my amazing husband was by my side making me laugh and being strong for me. An hour after I left the hospital my Doctor called. She explained that after contacting the radiologist she felt I was going through a miscarriage. I felt oddly ok. I called Chris to let him know then I laid in my bed and cried.
All day I thought of all the dumb stuff I had done in the previous weeks. Blaming myself for losing the life we created. I know now that there is nothin I could have done to stop it and it was most likely genetic. That doesn't stop the pain though. Though I only knew for a short time it was our baby ,my body still screwed something up.
That night I cried like I've never done before. I didn't recognize myself in the wails. What started of as an anxiety attack quickly turned into sobbing and begging for forgiveness. I just couldn't shake the thought that I had done something to end a precious life.
I perked up a little by Monday . I needed that cry, I needed to grieve. Monday morning I had to be back at the doctor to discuss my options. My doctor is absolutely amazing. Dr.Joy Nwadike is a remarkable individual. I reccomend her to all of my lady friends. She came in and explained that my hormone levels didn't match up with what the radiologist had said. After looking at my ultrasound herself she wanted to be extremely through and check my hormones levels again especially since my pregnancy test,again ,showed positive. If they drop then miscarriage it is. If for some reason they've doubled then a baby decided to show up. In that case more ultrasounds and blood work.
It's actually Tuesday as I write this and as of right now I haven't heard from the doctor. I know without a doubt though that it's a miscarriage. I've come to terms with it and I'm healing.
I wanted to share my story because
1. Blogging is very therapeutic for me. And most importantly 2. No one ever talks about it. Chris and I both discussed how we knew women who had miscarriages. How we thought "oh " that's it . We never understood what a woman or family goes through. I'm writing this becuase I hope it helps someone. Maybe you'll read this and know how to better comfort your loved one. I mean it for nothing other than that. I'm not writing it for empathy. I love you guys an know you love me. I do ask that you keep us in your thoughts and prayers throughout this healing process. And remember those who have dealt with pregnancy loss and infant loss. 
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