Oh, this is still a thing?

  Firstly, let me say I suck at this  blog thing.  I have had no drive or desire to write. I've pretty much lost my drive for things that aren't my family or the shelter. I'm a fat lard. After my miscarriage I quit working out and quit eating healthy. Sadly, I quit caring. I'm working on it. I don't want this to be a "woe is me" post. I just want to share a revelation I had. 

     It's probably not meant for me to have another child. I'm ok with it. I'm so blessed with my two boys. I get so mopey sometimes seeing pregnancy announcements and all of the beautiful pregnant ladies around me. It hit me today what I was missing. On the day I knew I had to go see a doctor about my bleeding I got to meet my Jonut (Jonas Paul).

I am now his nanny and get to see so much of him. I get to witness his milestones and growth spurts. His giggles brighten my day. I love this little booger and it amazed me how much my heart grew when I met him.

   Just a few weeks after my miscarriage I get a text at 1am from my sister asking if I was awake. My heart sank, I just knew something was wrong. I texted frantically! "Are you ok??" "What's wrong?!?!" After what seemed like an eternity she sent me this photo

I screamed and cried. I was so happy! My baby sister was having a baby. I have got to be a part of it all. Doctors visits, advice, even feeling that sweet girls kicks and punches. I'm in love!!!she will be here in a short 14 weeks! 

Recently I was introduced to two other sweet kiddos that have me wrapped around their fingers. On occasion I get to watch Mr.Bode and Miss Elin

Bode is always smiling and loves for me to sing to him. Elin is amazed by my "magic" and my backwards legs!

 How could I be down with all of these babies to love on? I know they were all put in my life for a reason. This week I would have been 35 weeks pregnant. After the stress of the boys party, Kelly's baby shower, the shelter, and the boys in general I can see now why a baby would have just been too much to handle with all that I have going on. This probably doesn't make much sense but I finally felt like writing. So here it is :)

Fin Frands